2016 ~ Two Weeks Ago ~ Age 36
I stared out of my kitchen glass door, mindlessly following the array of blue jays flitting about our bird feeder. My acutely sharpened hearing could detect even the faintest of rustlings in my backyard. A soft reminder announcing the ten-minute mark to my next client call broke my reverie, and I worked to clear the cloudy haze that I had violently imbibed into my consciousness just two days prior.
This haze was slowly giving way to an unsettling feeling that everything about the way I had lived my life up to that moment was utterly wrong. That the world was asleep at its collective wheel, and I was waking to find all of us moments from a fatal collision. But no, this was a thought too grand to be entertaining at the moment. Duty called to my presentation coaching client.
I opened my Macbook, finding my requisite fifteen browser tabs still open from the prior week. Minimalism and single focus were not my strong suits, and that stalked me into every facet of my life. One tab icon caught my attention, and despite my better judgement, I couldn’t resist opening it. It was my MeetMindful online dating account, beckoning me with the promise of conscious human connection.
My eyes settled on the profile photo of the man with hauntingly soulful hazel eyes. This man was the first to “Like” me on this website just two days before my plant medicine journey. Hesitation took hold once again, staying my hand for a brief moment.
Fuck it, I thought. Why am I being such a sissy? It’s just online dating. I had no outcome in mind, just experiences and growth. What’s the big deal?
I clicked “Like” in return, switched to a fresh Evernote, and dialed into my client call.