I wasn’t exactly designed or prepared for polyamory. But what I really desired from the beginning was freedom.
Something was telling me that this work would be worth it. I knew that I would experience many challenges, but that through the process I would uncover where my discomfort was coming from. That belief led me on a groundbreaking exploration of self-discovery.
It really started many years ago when my former husband and I decided to have a child, and the arrival of our son spawned the greatest cataclysm of our relationship. We had been disconnecting for a while and this major life event amplified so many challenges.
My health also plummeted. And I remember thinking about tribal cultures where support, resources, care-giving responsibilities, and even lovers had been shared. The idea appealed to me so much. I thought, perhaps, a tribal community might be the solution to getting my needs met and mending my relationship. That’s when the first seed was planted for me.
I later joined a relationship-hacking mastermind focused on salvaging failing marriages, and through that, I learned a lot about communication. In this group, I met a couple who openly engaged with multiple partners. Another seed was planted.
I started to question if there was a more creative way to get our needs met.
Like many others, we had opted into monogamy without question. And I began to wonder what it would be like to make a conscious choice rather than simply defaulting to societal expectations.
But something in my instincts told me that my husband wasn’t the right person to broach that ground with. Neither of us had any of the navigational tools to make that work.
So we ended up using the new tools I gained from the mastermind to consciously uncouple and remain great friends to this day. When I met Shai soon after that, polyamory seemed to be a great way for me to enjoy both a committed relationship and to also be free. In theory…
Now, being a perfectionist, an only child, and someone who has been programmed for scarcity, I came into poly with three major ingredients that would have set most people up for failure. I struggled with jealousy while simultaneously wanting to explore on my own freedom. So I felt like a hypocrite. I wasn’t; I just didn’t understand how the mind and the body works. How the intellectual mind can live in one place, and the body-mind, (which is your entire lifetime of encoded emotions, traumas, and acquired patterns) lives somewhere different. It’s these sort of simple insights that have allowed me to flourish in my open relationships over time.
It’s been a long, arduous journey. There were moments where I certainly felt like I wasn’t right for this.
And there really isn’t a user manual out there for doing all of it. There are books that explain the intellectual side, but what I’ve learned is that there are many more powerful tools to help navigate a graceful experience in non-monogamy.
We’ve created this tribe to give you all of the support and resources we’ve uncovered through years of study and practice so that you can create your own thriving relationship by design.
The tool sets that I’ve come across are exceptional for zeroing in on exactly where many discomforts are rooted when practicing open relating. Some of the tool sets that have helped me navigate have been attachment theory, birth order, and the six core human needs.
I want you to have all the tools and information most people don’t have to make choices from a conscious and fully supported place, and that’s what you get inside the Leveled Up Love VIP Membership.
Even though it was hard, opening up my relationship was one of the best decisions I ever made.
The freedom and variety of amazing connections allowed me to grow exponentially. I’ve grown intellectually, spiritually, erotically, emotionally, and even professionally because of this love style.
Opening up my relationship was one of the best decisions I ever made.
The freedom of variety, attention, and adventure has opened up so many opportunities to grow exponentially in every way. I have grown intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, and even professionally because of this love style.
But my journey here was not as easy, peaceful, or as safe as it could have been. I simply didn’t have the tools that are available to you now inside this membership program.
I was with my wife for 19 years. I felt that I was in a relationship that seemed to have everything anyone could want. We trusted and respected each other and had a lot of shared values.
Our romantic life was good, yet I still had this nagging feeling that something was missing. I wondered why I still had desires for other people. What was wrong with me? Was I a greedy person?
I felt so much guilt and shame for wanting to receive and give more love. But I was stagnating, and the stagnation was killing me, slowly.
Then, I gained a new perspective when I was exposed to the show Polyamory: Married and Dating. I ended up reading five books in a row including Mating in Captivity and Myth of Monogamy to discover more. Now, I’m not a reader. I had not read a book for years at that point, but I devoured those books. I clearly heard a calling.
I became convinced it was in our best interest to open up our marriage, but she had many reservations. So, we explored being “monogamish” for 3 years. We both thought this was the fix, at first. But that was just about physical variety, which wasn’t enough for me. I knew all along that what I was really seeking was other relationships with emotional depth.
Eventually, my wife and I came to acknowledge that we all have the capacity to love more than one person at the same time. I had dreams of a big love tribe built upon safety, support, and connection.
But in my gut, I knew I was taking a big risk with my marriage. And that’s when I realized I was okay with that. THIS was my purpose. This is who I AM.
So, we continued opening up our marriage even through difficulties, moments of jealousy, and breakdowns. We were not equipped. We thought all we had to do was start other relationships with a few simple rules of engagement and we’d be okay.
The books we had read hadn’t prepared us for the real challenges of polyamory. Ultimately, my wife decided she no longer desired this lifestyle… or even me. And it hurt. A lot. Although it was a conscious uncoupling, I still put my kids through the transition that I would have never wanted for them.
But after going on this tremendous journey of growth and discovery, I feel incredible. I’m living my truth and my needs are fully met. My kids adjusted well to a very slow and mindful transition. And now, especially in the last three years with Lea and Krissy, I found my love tribe and it’s growing.
It’s been on a non-stop growth trajectory. We’ve all had spiritual awakenings. We’ve all experienced intellectual, emotional, spiritual, and even professional growth. And SO much healing.
Now I know it’s possible to have really fulfilling conscious open relationships! And it’s something that I want for all the members of our community. I wanna share the tools and insights I’ve gained so you all can feel safe, seen, and loved while exploring your freedom to grow, heal, and contribute back to others!